Peace at last - goodbye diets and diets talk

So it finally hit me about how much time and money I have wasted over the years on diets and fitness . I have done the slimfast diet, the Cambridge diet, weight watchers, slim and save, detox, slimming world, 5:2 diet and calorie counting. Do they work? Yes if you stick to them! The weight goes straight back on and more each time you stop following one. Was I happy? No I was miserable! So now it's about removing all this diet crap from my mind and around me and just be me again. I have been bothered about my weight and size since I was a teenager and now it's an unhealthy habit. I have chucked anything diet related out and have had to unfollow some accounts on Instagram so I didn't get sucked back in. I recently came across a photo with diet buzz words that signal you're still on a diet:
Cheat meal
Clean eating
Deserve
Cleanse
Low fat
Low carb
Skinny recipe
Meal plan
Quit sugar
Challenge
Bad/good food
Flexible dieting
Restrict
Diet
Approved food
Earn
Detox



I have used the majority of these words and I also hear it from the people around me. I am going to enjoy my holiday and eat what I want guilt free. When I'm back I'm going to carry on eating what ever I want to keep fuelling me but I will be exercising slightly more due to doing hardly anything lately. So there will be no diet talk I'm not being "good" or "bad" I am being Michaella and eating what I want. I want to look after my body and nourish it and I'm going to love it whatever size I am. The scales have been moved I don't need to know what weight I am. I guess il have to now change my blog name! I will be focusing more on fashion and experimenting with food and socialising a little more!

Life since Personal Training...

I am going to be honest here....it lasted 6 weeks. I really did try hard to track my food and do the work outs 2/3 times a week. I enjoyed the PT sessions I wish I could of afforded 3 a week! Since the 6 I had the cancel the two I had paid and wont be able to afford any again in the near future. I have cut back on things and thought I could afford it but I cant.

Rhodes is in two weeks and I need spending money for that. A car took my number plate off with their car so that's an extra £55 I didn't need to spend and just the life of bills etc. I had eaten well for 6 weeks and not much bad food in between but for the last week or so its been terrible. Not terrible but horrific! I wont lie I have enjoyed it, I don't feel guilty but I feel unfit and unhealthy and now my clothes are tight and I am heading to a size 18. We go on holiday in exactly 16 days so from tomorrow I am firmly following slimming world ( minus processed food) and exercising when I can.

When we return from Rhodes I will still be following slimming world and exercising most evenings as Sam has been offered a new job which means I wont see him much in the evenings. I wont have an excuse then as I cant blame Sam (even though its my fault) and I can exercise as much as I like. I know your thinking well Slimming world isn't free..its not but its £5 a week which isn't much and it feels like I am coming home. I get bored easily of tracking calories and counting weight watchers points. I will also be measuring myself once a month to see inch loses as the scales only measure pounds lost and this time I wont get angry if it doesn't shift one week when im being 100% good.

I will be honest from the start with any struggles etc I know its not easy its a long journey but I will get there in the end :)

Life now iv gained a personal trainer and a different way of thinking

I bit the bullet and got a PT trainer. I had my free consultation and knew it was something I needed to do and I wanted to get started straight away. Had my first PT session last Thursday (1 week tomorrow) and enjoyed it. I felt amazing after knowing this is the start of healthy living and exercising and benefiting from it. Yes I felt sick most of it (thats because it was early and I didnt eat before the session) but I kept going even though I was half dead. I was then given some nutrition information on what sort of foods to have in the cupboard and what I should be eating macros wise. Macros means Carbs, Proteins and fats. I have managed to keep track of this on myfitnesspal. I have stuck to the calories I should have on rest days and training days and trying to hit my macros every day. Its taking a while to get my head round it but hopefully when I am fit and healthy I will know what I need to fuel my body without having to track it. I have had a very challenging weekend with the husband eating pizza and sweets! I have managed to stick to all my healthy meals and hardly eaten crisps and junk food....also no fizzy pop! My day off was Sunday but I didn't go overboard and didn't get much unhealthy food as it was all gone by the time I got round to eating! I also didn't feel guilty for it either. As well as the nutrition I have been given some work out plans to do in the gym. I was unable to do much with my arms until Sunday they were dead from the lifting that I wasn't used to. I went swimming Saturday to ease it then managed my first work out on my own. I sweated more following this plan than going in the gym and just using the machines. I felt the benefit. I had my second PT session yesterday and still buzzing today. I felt I was able to put more in on an evening work out as I had been fueling with healthy food over the last few days. It was hard work but then PT sessions are meant to push the boundaries or there wouldn't be any point! I am going camping on Sunday for a couple of days and will not be tracking anything food wise on myfitnesspal but I will be taking some healthy snacks as I dont want it to be 2/3 days of pure junk food. I am off to the gym tomorrow night and Friday and will see how I am for Saturday. I will be walking a lot while away I wont be on my phone were taking our camera so I am going to focus on having a relaxing holiday enjoying nature and time with my husband and family. Everyone seems to sit on their mobiles these days its sad really! We are camping on a cliff top right next to the beach I will be going for a paddle every day in the sea....even if its raining!

I know its going to take time to get in shape and be healthier but I am ready to do it properly with no quick fixes and no silly diets. I am finally at a place where I believe I can stay for the rest of my life on this journey. I am avoiding weighing myself and getting disheartened as it wont reflect any of the hard work I have put in yet. I cant wait to get measured after a month to see inch loss! I want to turn my body in to a lean healthy body I accept I will never be skinny and skinny aint sexy!

I know I would get a few comments from people about paying for a personal trainer such as " thats expensive" "pay me £25 and il show you" "I couldnt afford that every week".

I dont think it is expensive I am investing in my health...how can you compare health to money?
I would not pay anyone other than a trained professional to show me the right way!
Finally its not that I can afford a PT I am turning the money I would use on junk food and takeaways each week to have someone push me to my limits for an hour instead and benefit. I am cutting back spending my money on other things such as clothes, bags, shoes and avoiding the staff shop. Why bother clothes shopping right now when I want to drop sizes seems silly buying something I wont be able to wear for long! And lastly I dont have to explain myself to anyone if I dont want to :)

A week in to this new way of life I am feeling happier than I have in a long time and I am positive and cheering myself on. I will ignore anyone that tries to bring me down from this happy place I am finally ready to settle at!

The start of something amazing or another failed attempt?

So tomorrow I am taking the plunge and having an hours free consultation with a personal trainer. I am going to be using them once a week at £25 a pop. If I go with someone its half price but I think I need some sessions on my own first for personalized work outs.They are also going to give nutrition advice in the price. I am going to still follow slimming world as much as I can but with the help of a qualified nutritionist she can pin point where I am going wrong apart from the obvious chocolate and pizza! Some people think £25 is a lot per week but that £25 I am spending already on junk food and takeaways. Id rather use it on something to benefit me. I am not just aiming to loose weight, I want to feel healthy and fit. I dont want to be Mrs Muscle of the universe but I wouldn't mind having some strong limbs and be toned all over. I want to improve my back issues and I believe they are here because of the weight gain over the last few years. This is going to be a life style change for good. I am not going to focus too much on the scales but more on the inches lost and how I feel in clothes. I love fashion and I hate that I cant wear over half of it because id look a plonker and would not feel confident. I want to get to a place I feel confident in what I wear and not hiding in floaty dresses and leggings. I want to go for long runs and work out and push myself further without wanting to throw up and pass out. I know this is only the beginning and its going to be hard work but I know it will be worth it to be my happy self again. I am prepared to drink less alcohol and eat less junk I need to train my mind as well as my body. I think a lot of self love will be required and lots of photos for comparison on the long journey ahead. Yes I will be £100 down each month but if it puts a smile back on my face and I dont get breathless as soon as i get the blood pumping why would I not invest in myself.

There is going to be lots more photos of food on my slimming world account and comparison photos.

Ready to start this Journey ahead of me for many miles to come! I will ignore negativity and I will learn self love as the last year or so I have always been hard on myself and putting myself down a lot. This is my body and I need to work with it to be the best it can. I will surround myself with supportive people as much as I can. The person that has had to see me beat myself up and see my behavior with food become negative is my amazing husband. He has done nothing but support me even though my thought process is all over the place. I have yo yo'd from one diet to the other and he has put up with my obsession for long enough. I am ready to give him a break from all this nonsense once and for all.

Wish me luck I will not give in like I have done for the last 3 years!!!

Goodbye January, Hello February

So now we have said Goodbye to a very long January and welcomed in February whats happening this month?

So last month was pretty long and rubbish spending most of it broke! Yesterday I went on a work night out for someone that is leaving the team. It was first time out since my hen do last September!I decided to wear a dress which was my back up hen do dress! I felt really good last night about myself and decided to go out without wearing my glasses so I made more of an effort on the eye make up.

I realized last week that this whole trying to healthy eat and the amount of different "diets" I have yo yo'd over for the last year or so had become an obsession. A very unhealthy one! Every week id weigh in and then "treat" myself which really was an excuse to binge! I have decided to not follow any diet and do my own thing and pick the healthiest options when I can. I am no longer weighing in weekly it will be at the end of each month and go off the fitting of my clothes. I did go out on a works night out last night and a lot of alcohol was consumed but I had a good time and my food choices today haven't been brilliant but I have to learn to balance life. I have my friends baby shower on Saturday but no alcohol as I am driving. I don't have a lot else in store for this month.

We did get some really exciting news. We went to view a property a few weeks ago that we want to rent and possibly buy in the near future. They are moving to Portugal and want to rent the house until they decide to sell. They haven't advertised it anywhere it was between us and their neighbours. They decided to stay put so we get to move in at the end of May. I really cannot wait to have a garden and a home thats been loved and looked after. We will give it two years then see if they are ready to sell. If its a no then I guess we will have to look for somewhere else but we will cross that bridge when it comes to it.

This month has taught me to take each day at a time and the key in life is balance, I am in a happier place and learning to love myself.

Michaella xXxXx

Pay day treats....

So we went to The Bulls Head in Repton for tea last night and had a beautiful pizza (below):

This was called the Geneva which consisted of pepperoni, red onion, ham, sun dried tomatoes and mushrooms. Very tasty!

Before we went out I had a little pamper session. I dyed my hair and painted my nails. The products I used are these (below)

The hair dye was from the staff shop for £1 from what I can remember, The little no7 varnish is from a mini set I bought reduced in the Christmas sales. The base coat is a rimmel brand so my nails don't stain and then the seche vite that everyone has gone mad on is the top coat. I can see why everyone has gone mad its quick drying and your nails don't chip for days! I did an extra coat when I got out the shower so lets see how long it lasts!

Today I met with some friends in town, I went in with the attitude I would not be buying any clothes because I want to drop a dress size at least! I was defeated there were too many nice clothes to not get a couple of things. I have been after a pinafore dress for ages for work and also for casual. I managed to get a denim one but wanted a material black one for work. That hunt will have to continue for a black one! I also bought a black dress and some long sleeved tops to go under the denim dress. I also picked up some cheap my little pony slippers reduced to £2 from £5! Here are the clothes I purchased:

I then nipped in to Lush and took my 5 used pots back to get a free pot of face mask. I will be using that later and having a relaxing bath. I know their products are expensive but they last for ages and when you get free goodies why not! Their products are vegan friendly and no bad chemicals . I popped in to Boots to get some more cotton pads and found a health food section they are promoting at the moment. They had my favourite meridian almond butter. They also had cashew butter and crunchy peanut butter so thought what the hell. I decided to try a few new things now I'm trying to find a healthy balance. I also had a lot of points on my advantage card so didn't actually pay for these products with cash:

I am back home and tired as normal. Off food shopping tomorrow night so I will be making mostly healthy choices for the week. Monday is only a few hours away...so lets smash this week.

See ya
Michaella xXxXx

Lazy Ass Saturday

My Saturday morning hadn't started off well. I woke up with stomach cramps...probably had something to do with eating half a large domino's pizza with a side of wedges and 2 cookies last night! It was much needed as I felt deflated due to Sam not getting the job he went for and the fact it was dragged out for over a week. I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe he will find a better job! Yes I am an emotional eater, anything can trigger it really... any excuse!

So after sitting on the toilet a few times this morning I had a hifi bar (slimming world cereal bar) and cuppa tea and started making the food shopping list for the week. Yes I plan what meals we are going to have for the week so we don't over spend and buy lots of rubbish, we don't like wasting food! We both want to be healthier (some days) so the list is pretty healthy this week! 

We decided to go to Chilwell Retail Park and see if we could find a cat toy tray thing I saw someone post on instagram. We couldn't find it so I ended up coming out with two sets of new PJ's. I don't want to buy any more clothes as I want to obviously lose weight so I thought id treat myself to some bed wear as they can be baggy! I took a photo of them (below)

The set with birds on is a brand called Fairy Dust which is a brand made for TKMAXX I believe? they cost me £15. The long bed shirt is a DKNY one reduced to £10. The shirt is more for warmer nights but I can swear some skinny PJ bottoms with it while it is colder. I saw a lovely Fioreli hand bag but Sam would kill me as I have loads of bags and the fact I don't want to blow my wages. 

We are saving as much as we can right now so we can buy a house and also have a nice holiday away in October. We are currently living in a flat/ apartment above an unused shop. It was nice when we moved in Dec 2014 but since then we have had mould issues and fallen out of love with it and its killing me not having a garden. We viewed a lovely house to rent last weekend and had an update to say they are still waiting for one person to view it and then they will decide as its private rental. We are keeping our fingers crossed as we want to live somewhere lovely while we save! 

My husband Sam and I are currently in bed again for a lazy Saturday afternoon. We are off to the Bulls Head in Repton tonight with my sister and partner. We will be having home made pizza which will not be healthy. I am slowly learning to balance the good food with the bad. Tomorrow I will be mainly on the healthy food as I have consumed too much bad over the last few days and I am feeling pretty rubbish. I will post another blog/review of the Bulls Head in Repton in the next few days as we haven't had pizza there before!

Final thing of the day.., I am going back to red. I bought a red hair dye from the staff shop a few weeks ago and I am ready for a hair colour change as I cant do a lot else with it while I am trying to grow it again. I will get out bed shortly and put the dye on and paint my nails as I have let myself go lately with the beauty things. 

Have a fabulous Saturday night

Michaella xXxXx